(Max walks into the mirror of the room)
Mr. Chikungunya : Vande Mataram. Come on in.
Max : Thank you very much. Its an honour to meet you. I am very very thankful to you. Well, I’d better stay here. And your position ought to be 100m away from me. That gives me the best view of your whole body so that I can better note down my views in the future (wink!!).
Max : Thank you very much for giving me an opportunity to talk with you and write about this great feat of yours.
Mr. C : Oh Of course!! You are welcome. You know, I like to be great. Well, I am great. I am only happy to give this interview because it just increases my popularity.
Max : How does it feel to be elected as Mr. Chikungunya. I hear that there were more than 4000 people in your area who got selected in the last round. How does it feel to be successful?
Mr. C : I am very happy to have got this. All the credit goes to the doctor who treated me. He was so good in his prescription, you know he told me that the most important thing in the treatment was watching tv.
Max : We will get to all that later. First of all, How did you come into this field. What was your inspiration.
Mr. C : Actually we are not a family of Chikungunya victims. But I live in an area where there was a record number of chikungunya victims. Everyone were busy, the papers were full of news about too many patients in all the hospitals around. I did not care about it much. It just came, just like that. I think it was on a friday night. I did not know that I was selected.
When in the morning, I woke up as usual and my body was aching very well, my back in particular. I cursed my best friend nowadays, the bed, for causing the pain. Thats when my father asked me to just walk around for a minute. Thats when I understood that I had got selected. I had pain in every nook and corner. Well, not all but the foot and wrist were painful. My father felt my forehead and proclaimed that I was also a contestant.
I was very happy at that time. Finally I was also participating in a ‘real'(ity) show.
Max : Wow!! That is a great entrance into this field. I am sure no one else (sparing a few million) would have had such an entrance.
Mr. C : Yeah! I know, I am great.
Max : What do you think was your inspiration after you came into this field?
Mr. C : You know, my place was kind of like one of the meeting places of the participants. My father being a doctor, made sure that there was always some one who had the experience nearby. My constant interaction (even though very less) with these different people is what made me excel in these matters. I owe everything to them. Actually you don’t need any interaction. You just need them to be very close. That confidence of participating just seeps into you.
Max : Lets move on to the competition then. How was the auditions?
Mr. C : The auditions are one of the best part of this competition. These people, they just come to one place and spread around looking for eligible people. We need not go to their place and perform or anything, they will come straight to your house and do the audition. Sometimes you don’t even know that you are giving an audition.
Here is a tip that I would like to give you. The only clue that you can identify whether you are in the audition is to check if you hear their recording devices humming. These guys are ultra-modern and use such equipments. They dont even have to be personally present. They sent these recording devices, which hum around the persons some time and then record a particular amount of data which they later use for auditions.
After I won, I did some research about these devices, don’t tell anyone. These recording devices record lots of people everyday. Mostly in the night. When they do record, if they find one successfuly candidate somewhere, usually already selected by another device (They can’t identify multiple instances of recording till they return), there seems to appear a vital flaw in the design of the software of the device. It seems to select everyone else that it records till its maximum limit is reached or it is destroyed in some fashion. Well, you could make use of this fact and get selected pretty easily.
The bad part is that you can’t opt out of this competition once you are in. You have to go through at least two of the rounds.
Another tip, you can try to destroy these recording devices. These are usually very small, though easy to spot against a light-coloured wall. Well, you will still be a candidate, but you can sleep with the satisfaction that you lost some competition because of the above said flaw in the system.
Max : I heard round 1 was a breeze.
Mr. C : Yeah, its called the fever round. You know, they make you feel like you have fever and see how you perform. I would say its a performance round. Go to a doctor and he will give the medications. Well, thats how you perform to get maximum points. Well, I think the main part of my performance which earned me the maximum points was the vomiting. Yeah, I vomited right in the middle of night, somewhere around 10.30-11. If my mom had gone to sleep, I am sure I would have got an even better score. But even then I did well.
It was a two day show and I rocked. Well, at least I slept when I was not vomiting. Food was scarce except for some fluids. Too bad, i could have asked for a sprite to clear up my mind. Aah!! I forgot.
Max : I think this chikungunya competition is always is like this, eh!! Sudden end to the performance round when you start liking it.
Mr. C : Well, i think so, at least thats what wikipedia says. But the best part is yet to come. I kind of knew that this was not going to be the end of my performance. So I kept the best for the rest.
Max : How was the second round?
Mr. C : The second round was a rest round. You had to rest all the way till you get your parents asking you to get out of bed and do something. As I said earlier, ‘I kept the best for the rest’. I was sleeping so much that my father even asked me to come see TV. Of course, I did. The second round was also pretty easy. The second round was a free round. You could perform for as much as you like. The main thing that helped me in this round was the jobless-engineer syndrome that I was suffering from. It kicked in about this time and I was resting to perfection. FSFS (- Food Sleep Food Sleep) can be better used to describe my position.
Max : Would you like to say anything else?? I am getting bored out here and I would like to stop. I say, why dont you give some tips for the upcoming stars?
Mr. C : After the second round, you can proclaim yourself a winner. 🙂 Its not all that big. Fever, rest and more rest. The rest portion is the best and the most important part. Make sure you do very well in that round. But dont overdo it. If you ask me, the first round paves the way for the second round. Do well in the first round, the second round becomes very simple.
Max : Well, thats all. Great to have you here. Bye. (Exits swiftly)
Mr. C : Thank you there. Do come over every now and then and write something about me. Bye.
What you read are the excerpts of an interview which Max conducted with Mr. Chikungunya here at my place. I am sure that some of you could have made out who the Mr.C is by some of the mannerisms that he has.
And yes, Max is like those portraits in Harry Potter, he can move around through these mirrors. I always see him in every mirror I look. 🙂
I would like to state that no information in this post should be used to quote your way out of any medical talks with friends. I would also like to put in that the character in this interview is purely fictional and is not influenced by any person living or otherwise. Even if there is, I can’t do anything about it, it is purely coincidental and not intentional. The details about the disease given may or may not be correct and I am not responsible for misinterpretations.
Oh yeah, in case you are stupid enough not to understand. I might have been Mr. C. The recording devices could have been mosquitoes. Some of you might not be stupid, it just might have been the lack of information. But anyway, you know what happened.
I love it when I write these long posts